To my dearest Phil,
When I say your name my top teeth touch my bottom lip blowing air, vibrating through my comfortably formed labial fricative into the lofty arch of the roof of my mouth as I part my lips and open my mouth. Then I stop the sound of your name with my tongue touching my teeth, before my air runs out.
I could easily continue my exhale in to “love” because by ending your name, I would only have to open my mouth a bit further to form the word “l-o-v-e”, and then I would end with my teeth touching my bottom lip again the way I began, completing a circle of sound and vibrating air, poised to nibble on your ear,
like your vampire lover.
And if I paused after “Phil” and raised my intonation towards the end of “love,” I could call you by both names.
Another word, a near homonym , but slightly different, “feel”, begins the same, but instead the air remains lower in my mouth towards my tongue, never reaching the heights in my mouth–your name explores, but all the same, causing a near smile on my face. And I could easily finish this word with “love” too, as my tongue is poised and ready, but “feel,” should not be confused with “Phil” even if both categorize for “love,” and, even though, when I say your name, it feels like I could just say “love” instead, and honestly, to me, the words all mean the same–heavenly thing.
What I am trying to say, is that I love you. And from the moment I first saw you and said your name I felt chemistry in your long fingers and carefully trimmed nails, the shape of your jaw, and your height; I have loved you, and I mean that I have loved who you are, dearly.
I love how you sleep, how you work, how you touch me, and how you try,
I love how you breath, speak, feel warm and soft, dance, walk, and take care of the dog,
I love how you think, the kindness in your nature, which I see with tenderment,
I love your ideas, your help, your stubbornness, your requests, your needs, and even your independence from me, and your temperament,
I see you even when you are unhappy with me and I’m never really mad at you, just scared a bit by the fact that I love you so.
As you know, I’m not perfect, I’m insecure at times, and jealous too, but what if I were never that way. I might scare you too. But who knows.
When I think of the journey we have had together, I marvel at the life we create for each other. I hope that you like the one I make for you. And I want you to know that as we move on to the next step that I’m looking forward to our ups and our downs because I know they will continue to be the most amazing experiences I could ever imagine having with someone
And I promise to you that I will always try to be better to you, listen to you more silently, and be better for you so that hopefully one day you cherish all of the days you have had with me as if you could not imagine ever having a better way.
When we are old, I hope to take care of you and for you to take care of me. I will still often touch you with tenderness and feel my heart swell with the warm fuzzy feeling I feel now when I look at you. We can be that old couple that make young couples smile, hoping to be like us one day.
Speaking of days, on this day, Valentine’s Day, I want to thank you for being the most amazing guy in the universe and for gracing me with your time on this earth.